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PAPERBACK.
This book is designed to give a man the ability to solve family problems before they destroy him and his family, should divorce be the recommended way then he should have a fairer say and understanding in the divorce proceedings to gain him custody or fair access to his children.
Description
Saving The Situation was first published in 1996 following Julian Nettlefold’s experiences of domestic violence towards him and his late baby son Harry (1989 -2011).
Julian was newly married with a young child one minute and then, after hoping that his wife would recover from her violent outbursts exhibited after the birth of their son, out on the street, falsely accused of being a wife beater, framed by his wife who was the violent person and had attempted to strangle his son. He had to leave his son in the care of a violent woman who not only beat him up but also his son Harry, then aged 18 months. He was very lucky in finding help from people who understood his plight, unlike many men who either die or live the rest of their lives in penury having lost contact with their children.
The fact that in 2016 there were 106,959 divorces of opposite-sex couples in 2016, an increase of 5.8 per cent compared with 2015, with men and women getting divorced at a rate of 8.9 per 1,000 married people – up 4.7 per cent, has done nothing to deter people from entering this great institution. The realisation that you may become a statistic on your wedding day is as far from your mind as it could be. You have met the person you love and want to be with for the rest of your life; you are the happiest couple in the world and no one has ever felt as much in love as you do. When the problems in a marriage occur, they do so very suddenly and unless they are dealt with quickly the matter can boil over into divorce proceedings, solicitors, unhappiness, single parents and confused children.
Julian decided to reprint the book in 2018 whilst still investigating the murder of his darling son Harry in 2011, because it was apparent that nothing had changed since 1996 and there were men being accused of rape and domestic violence when in fact they were either innocent or the victim.
The focus for lawyers, Police and feminist appears to have moved from domestic violence to rape. The same processes have been used against men in rape allegations as those used in DV allegations. May of these men are either in prison or have had their lives ruined by false allegations and lack of disclosure to disprove the allegations. But, thanks to Social Media, the allegations can now be disproved by the use of Tweets and texts to prove what the state of the relationship was and whether or not the woman was raped. This was not available for the 100,000 men in the 1980s and 190 who were routinely remove from their homes, marriages and children with key evidence to disprove the allegations buried by their own lawyers, the Police and CPS. In fact, many of those cases like Julian’s never got to the criminal court as the Family Homes & Domestic Violence Act allowed women to make allegations without any proof of DV.
If you are a man who has suddenly confronted a serious situation in his marriage or relationship where the only way out appears to be divorce or separation and the destruction of your family, stop and consider the consequences. At the moment, as in 1996, there is little help for a man in a difficult relationship, the various agencies appointed to deal with problems are not trained to counsel men with violent, alcoholic or difficult wives; the only two options advised are for a man to live with the problem or divorce. Divorce will not help the children and will certainly not help the man as statistics on male suicide amply demonstrate. The last stop has to be the law and solicitors. Even if you do manage to stem the problem by the use of the law the damage will have been done as the hatred and mistrust created is enough on its own to destroy any relationship.
As parents we have a responsibility to our children and we must do the most we can to preserve the family unit. If both parties work together to solve the problem, then once you have come through it and out the other side you will thank God that you did not take the path of divorce.
This book is designed to give a man the ability to solve family problems before they destroy him and his family, should divorce be the recommended way then he should have a fairer say and understanding in the divorce proceedings to gain him custody or fair access to his children. At the moment the perception of family problems are biased towards the wife. If we can instil a degree of understanding of women’s problems and at the same time convince the system that as men we can look after children then the system should be fairer and men should play a greater role. The government are currently attempting to halt a large rise in juvenile crime; statistics show us that the absence of a father figure in the household is a great contributor to that problem. The fact that 84% of the children involved in 2011 UK riots had no fathers clearly shows the depth of the problem.
Each chapter of this book is designed to help you with the specific problem you are facing, don’t forget you may be the problem so examine yourself as well. In the appendices at the back there are useful contact numbers for each organisation who will be able to help you with your problem.
One noticeable omission in the new issue is the omission of the chapter on male helplines. I worked with Les Davidson of the Merton M.A.L.E. helpline, but this was closed in 1996. There are no male helplines available now, a huge loss for men in difficult situations.
All the case studies in this book are real, but the names and places have been changed.